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Dear Old Dad

"My boy," said the millionaire, "when I was your age, I carried water for a gang of bricklayers."

"I'm might proud of you, Father. If it hadn't been for your pluck and perseverance, I might have had to do something like that myself."

Careerist

"What does your husband work at?"

"Intervals."

Independent

Lillian: "I quit because my boss used a couple of offensive words."

Marie: "Is that so? What did he say?"

Lillian: "You're fired!"

The Good Old Days

The Old Timer remembers when the only fringe benefits were those a man got from watching the tassel dancer at the county fair.

Too Young

A three-year-old French boy watched his father pour a cup of coffee for himself at mealtime.

"Papa," he pleaded, "may I have some coffee, too?"

"Of course not," he was told. "Coffee isn't good for little boys. Drink your nice wine."

Household Hint

Since all you fellows say that you wear the pants in your family, we suggest that you protect them by wearing an apron while doing the dishes.

Plentiful Supply

Two lions escaped from the zoo in Washington, D.C., and didn't meet again for several weeks. One was fat, the other nothing but skin and bones. When they finally met, the emaciated one said, "How in the world do you manage to be so well fed?"

Fat Lion: "I've been hiding in the Pentagon eating a General every day. So far nobody's noticed it."

Sad Fact

If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was so terrible, he should see it with representation.

Happy Traveling

A true diplomat is a fellow who can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you actually look forward to the trip.

Good for What Ails Him

"I wish we'd get a few shipwrecked sailors washed ashore." mused the cannibal chief. "What I need is a good dose of salts."

GREAT NORTHERN RAILWAY - GREAT FOR FREIGHT